An Emotional Wreck!
Updated: Nov 27, 2020
I can confidently say that, besides the daily routine and stressful parts of life, I am a joyful person for the most part. However, during the last couple of days, I have been a complete, hot mess!
I take pride in being the kind of person who friends tend to turn to when it comes to asking for advice. In general, I am pretty good about dealing with my feelings and emotions. (Well, except for when something or someone pisses me off. Then, forget about it! In those circumstances I really have no concept of emotional intelligence. Yet, I promise I am working on it!)
To my surprise, I completely lost it this past week. Since I witnessed my dad fight cancer and realized it was, indeed, a losing battle, I haven't experienced something similar. I vividly recall that evening in the fall of 2003 when I went out with one of my brothers and a couple of friends to a night club to try to have a good time; one of my dad’s wishes—for me not to stop living my life because of what he was going through. He wanted me to at least to try be happy in the midst of all that was going on.
Although I tried, leaving behind the pain that constantly haunted me was a pretty difficult thing to do. Nearly impossible. As I stepped out of my house that night, I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders and the heaviness of an aching heart in my chest.
As the night went on, I decided to sit down for a bit and found a barstool right by the window to get some fresh air. There, I stared at the trees, watching them softly move as if they were dancing to the sound of the wind. Behind the beautiful green leaves, I was able to see the moonlight shining. As I witnessed that graceful display of nature, an unannounced thought came into my head:
"MY DAD IS GOING TO DIE!!!"
I immediately started to cry uncontrollably. For a moment, it felt like there was no music, no flashing lights. As I lowered my head, my brother and friends hugged me in an attempt to console me. It was no use. So, we left. Not much could be said.